If you wish to be really kind and comforting, talk to me of my wife. Say
how sweet and lovely she is. Say that her arms are tender, her eyes
gentle and kind. I am the thirsty traveller in the desert, who sights
pure water, hastens eagerly forward, and finds--a mirage! But a deadly
stream flows from the roots of the Upas--Hullo! Here comes Aubrey
Treherne. Look out, Mrs. Dalmain! He owes you a grudge. Hey, presto!
Vanish from the chair, or Helen's cousin will lean over, with a bleeding
face, threatening to kill you with both hands!...
"Good-evening, Cousin Aubrey. How is your lip to-night? You mustn't kiss
Helen again, until that lip is well. Helen will be ashamed of you for
not being able to put fuel into a stove without knocking your lip. Fie,
man! Poor happy Ronnie, going home to show his wife his 'cello, believed
you. But the Upas tree knows! You can't deceive the Upas tree, you liar!
You may as well tell Helen that you wounded your lip on a branch of her
Upas tree....
"Hullo, Dick! Come in, and welcome! Sit down, old boy. I want to ask you
something. Hist! Listen! That motor, which hooted in the park a moment
ago, contained a policeman--so it is essential we should know whether
there is any by-law in Leipzig against men, as trees, walking. Because
you weren't walking about with a man, you know, but with a Upas tree.
When in doubt, ask--my wife! It would have made a sensational paragraph
in the papers: 'Arrest of a Upas tree, in the streets of Leipzig!' Worse
than 'Arrest of the Infant of Prague.
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